Tom's Grandma Pam

My best friend at school is Tom. He’s taller than me and has brown hair that sticks up at funny angles out of his head, which looks cool.

Tom and me sit next to each other ‘cos his last name is Perkins and mine is Parkes and the teacher made us sit alflibeticly at the start of the year and there was no one with a last name between Parkes and Perkins.

This was very lucky coz we was best friends straight away because he likes Batman and he knows that Batman would beat Spiderman in a fight, even if Spiderman was fighting with a bear! Not that he would because Spiderman lives in a city, but if he lived in the country with bears, Batman would still win.

I like going to Tom’s house because he has the best video games and he has no brothers or sisters that he has to share with, so we can play all night until bedtime without a stop except for toilet and dinner. One time we had to stop playing because Tom’s mum was going to visit his Grandma Pam. Tom wanted to go too because the ice cream place near Grandma Pam does bubblegum flavoured ice cream.

We went in the big car with the DVD so we could watch Ice Age again, but that is OK cos I like that movie. His mum drove us to Grandma Pam’s. There was no houses which was funny. Tom explained that his Grandma Pam lives in a hole in the Cement Tree. There was a big stone that told us we were at the right hole. The hole was hidden in the ground, but if you talked loud enough Grandma Pam would hear you.

When I’m old I want to live in a hole in the Cement Tree too. I would have all my video games and I would play all day and not have to share. It would be warm and cosy. No girls would be allowed and I would eat lots of red skins and fantails.

When I got home I told mum about Grandma Pam. My Grandma Alice lives with lots of old people in a big house with green walls the colour of snot that smells of cabbage and is really really hot. Grandma Alice always cries when we visit because she doesn’t like it there.

I told mum that I thought Grandma Alice would be happier in a hole in the Cement Tree too. Mum started to cry so Dad got cross and I had to go to my room without any dinner but that was OK cos I was still full of bubblegum ice cream.