I’ve just started my final week of notice period in my current job. With 7 whole working days off before I start my new job, I don’t know if I’m more excited about the new adventure or the time off. I can sense I’ll be working until the bitter end, as my workload hasn’t abated in the slightest, in fact I didn’t write this post on Sunday as I was working on a document I’m presenting tomorrow. With only 4 working days left, I’m finding it very hard to work out exactly how I feel.
The truth is that I have a number of very good reasons for leaving, but equally there are plenty of aspects of my current job that I will miss: mainly the people, colleagues and clients alike. There is also the fear of being judged once you are no longer there to defend yourself. You know the drill, if you find something you don’t understand or that is clearly wrong it is very easy to blame the person that has left. But why do I care? What does it matter if something doesn’t add up on a spreadsheet or if someone misinterprets the context of a document? Why does the thought that I’m not leaving everything in perfect order make me want to break out in hives?
Much as I would like to claim that my motives are altruistic, the reality is that that is only a small component of what is driving me. Yes, I do plan to stay in touch with many of my current colleagues and would hate to leave them in the shit work-wise, especially given how busy they all are. I also have a strong relationship with my clients and want to make sure that everything is in a great place for them. However, the reality is that the main reason I want to make sure that everything is buttoned down is pride. I take pride in the work that I do and I have a reputation for the high quality of said work, I don’t want that to be undone by something as silly as a typo in an spreadsheet formula that is sitting there like a ticking bomb, waiting for me to exit the building before exploding, and alerting everyone to a colossal miscalculation.
Do I believe that this ticking bomb exists? Hopefully not, but I am still wrestling with the urge to quadruple check everything I’ve done in the last 12 months. This way madness lies so I’m working on recognising this compulsion but not acting on it. If anything this sudden fixation with documents and calculations and re-visiting old work is my way of distracting myself from the fact that I’m leaving and I’m naturally going to have an emotional response.
There are people that I have seen virtually every day for the last 3 and a half years and now I’ll hardly see them at all. Those that I’m closest to I’ll keep in touch with, but there are a lot of people that you chat to everyday: in the lift; while getting water; when buying your coffee or lunch, and at work functions. Those are the people that you will lose touch with. It will be good bye to the office jokers, the pretty boys, the slinky girls and the small-talking senior management: all those personalities that make up the overall vibrant dynamics of an office. It is more like leaving a village than leave a job, as you move to a new environment with new politics and social hierarchies.
When I arrive at my new village, it will take me time to orient myself but I’m confident that I’ll find my way. Plus this time, I’ll be armed with something I didn’t have when I first moved to Australia: a big circle of Aussie based friends. There are those that I’ve met outside of work over the last few years, that are already part of my social circle but there will also be those that have taken the step from colleague to friend. I think it is often after you leave a place that this magical transformation takes place and you realise who your friends are. Without the common link of the workplace, it is only those that you have truly bonded with that will remain a part of your life. I find that exciting. While I think I know who those people will be, life can surprise you and often in a good way.
No comments:
Post a Comment