The title of today’s post is a reference to the Frank Capra masterpiece and is not a hallelujah statement I’m using in an attempt to convince you depression was just a phase and I’m awash with happiness (cue me, a mountain, a very long panning shot and a sound of music twirl). I am very much thinking of that rather wonderful film that has become a Christmas staple on TV sets all around the world as I had a mini George Bailey moment this week and it felt disconcerting but great.
I didn’t get a visit from an angel working to earn his wings, the circumstances were distinctly more ordinary as I was at a media function, consuming a few wines and chatting to people: all part of my training plan to exercise my social muscles. I bumped into a lady that I’ve probably met a sum total of 2-3 times across my career and we always enjoy really good, meaningful conversation (as opposed to standard media function mindless chit chat and gossip). I hadn’t seen her in over a year given my reclusive tendencies but it was great to say hi again. Much to my surprise she thanked me profusely for some advice I’d given her that she had really taken to heart. I won’t go into the details but I was really astonished to realise that I’d had such a profound impact on her. It turns out that my advice was spot on and really helped her through some difficult times.
She left me feeling rather gobsmacked and bit a humbled. Think of all the times that you’ve shared your thoughts and opinions and imagine if everyone started doing what you advised them to? You’d probably talk a lot less given the extra pressure (well if you had any sense).
So someone really listened to what I was saying, they decided it made sense and they took it on board with great results. If I hadn’t gone to this media function and bumped into her again, I may never have known the impact that I had on her life.
The timing was particularly poignant, learning that someone was feeling such gratitude towards me around the same time that I was feeling smothered by futility and apathy. As anyone who has experienced depression can testify, there are times when you would happily wish yourself out of existence because you start to believe that you have no value. This is not to be confused with suicidal tendencies (although if you know anyone going through this, alarm bells should definitely be ringing if they feel their life is pointless) but can be a precursor. It can feel as if this weight is too heavy to carry, particularly as apathy is a master energy devourer.
Now that my eyes are open again and I’m not looking through a fog of self-loathing, it is amazing what evidence I’ve found that I do make a difference and if I weren’t around the world would be worse off. Think of all those times that you’ve shared a joke while buying a coffee, chatted to a taxi driver about world politics, listened to a friend or colleague that has needed to vent, thanked the bus driver, chatted to the checkout girl etc. Our contribution to the world isn’t just measured by our own life changing moments, but also by the millions of little moments that many of us simply sleepwalk through. I love those little moments when you brush across other people’s lives.
What I’m trying to convey is that I now believe that you can’t measure or judge the meaning of your life based on the big events. Life isn’t about awards, certificates, promotions or ceremonies. It is what happens in between and the energy that you carry around with you. Be aware of what you are putting out there as you never know who is going to pick it up and run with it.
So in the interest of generating some positive energy and given the filmic theme this week, I’ve been thinking about the 3 films that were written for me. By “written for me”, I’m referring to films I’ve enjoyed so much the creators must have designed them just for me. It was a challenge to settle on 3, but here they are (in no particular order):
- Stardust
- Pan’s Labyrinth
- Grosse Point Blank
What are the 3 films that were made of you?
I will close my weekly post by letting you know that I am doing really well. I hope that you all are too.
Monday, October 25, 2010
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2 comments:
It can often be enlightening to realise that you've affected other people's lives without actually realising it, but sometimes it can turn out to be upsetting too.
About 10 years ago, I was in the final week of a contract with IBM, when I received a visit to my office by Kevin, a guy I'd worked with years ago. He'd started a new position with IBM that week. We chatted for a while, and he said "It's a lot easier starting a new job, knowing you have real friends there already"
He left me puzzling over who he could be talking about, but my colleagues said I was being stupid, and that he was referring to me.
That struck me as odd, because in our previous working life, I'd never really got on with Kevin. I'd never gone out of my way to be nice to him, and thought that there wasn't even as much as 'mutual respect' between us. I decided that if we bumped into each other again, I'd try to be friendlier toward him.
He died of a heart attack about three months later; he was only in his late thirties and left a wife and a baby. I didn't hear about it until a Christmas Eve reunion of people we'd both worked with. My first thought was "I haven't seen Kevin in years" (to excuse my initial reaction, I was a little drunk at the time,) but a short while later, I remembered bumping into him at IBM and remembered what he'd said.
I was overwhelmed by a mixture of grief and guilt (which I still feel to this day.) The thought that Kevin thought of me as a friend, and I'd never done anything to deserve that friendship knocked me back, but knowing that I never would have the chance now, really upset me.
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