I struggled with the title of this post because all the options that I came up with didn’t quite work. It was almost “Love what you do”, flitted to “Be free to be”, hovered over “Escaping your inner demons” and finally ended up being the rather odd “Escaping the Box”.
So what do I mean by “Escaping the Box”? I think the rejected titles should give you a pretty good idea but we’ll start with what has inspired me this week.
In my current visa-less stasis I have the luxury of time, something that I frequently lack (or feel as if I do). This would be the perfect opportunity to dedicate time to my passion of writing. Actually I lie, my real passion is storytelling and writing is the means that allows me to explore that passion (I have limited creative abilities outside of my way with words). I actually find writing very hard and sometimes even torturous. While I am getting some drafting of concepts done, I have suddenly become extremely shy of writing and am nowhere near as prolific as I thought I would be given the circumstances. There is a great big wall blocking me so that my ideas rattle around my head in growing numbers but I’m increasingly reluctant to commit them to paper. I’ve tried knocking this wall down but it is strong, I should know, I built it.
I have very effectively created a box around myself and I’m finding it hard to stretch outside of its confines. I had help building this box, but while I could point to society, education, other people, time, work, money, stress as providing some of the building blocks, the reality is that as the architect I need to take responsibility for it. I keep waiting for the stars to align, for everything to be perfect, so that I can begin work on my masterpiece. This alignment of celestial influences is the code for opening the box, so that I can explode outwards and fulfil my potential. What a load of bollocks!
The ideas are sitting inside me, like anxious children desperate to get out, explore and have amazing adventures. Instead I’m keeping them locked up blaming everything BUT myself for my reluctance to set them free. There is no code for opening the box. I just need to reach up and push open the lid and the thought scares me. What if I free these ideas, this creative potential and it disappoints? I’m paralysed with the fear that if I set these stories free, they’ll become flat, two dimensional, lifeless words on a sheet of paper. I’ve been germinating some of these stories for so long, that for them to die in the outside world would feel like a still-birth. I would feel as if I had failed them, better to keep them locked away until a better time comes.
The truth is that a better time will never come. I need to set myself free from my own crippling fears and self-imposed limitations NOW. I suspect that I’m not alone in needing to escape a box of my own creation. How often do you stop yourself from doing something because you believe you will fail? What is so bad about failing? Never trying is surely 10 times worse, but we can hide our dreams and ambitions, while often our failures are more public. So is it public opinion that we are afraid of?
Have you ever caught yourself whispering your true dreams to a friend, almost embarrassed by them? Our hopes can feel impossibly vulnerable and this can trigger our need to protect them. But instead, what we are really doing is stifling and repressing them. I think the most successful people we admire around us are those that never felt the need to build their own protective box. They embrace their dreams, learn and grow from their failures and see where they take them. How can we enjoy success if we are good at everything we do and never fail?
The next time you speak to a friend or colleague who has recently spectacularly failed at doing something, don’t feel sorry for them. Congratulate them for trying, for getting involved, for not holding themselves back. You should admire the people that try to live their dreams. I sometimes think that there is a small mindedness in many of us, which would have us holding others back because of our own fear of failure.
One of the aspects I really like of Australian culture is that of giving everyone a “fair go”. There is an inherent optimism here that is lacking in Europe. An example I’ll give is of a French man who has set up his own company doing wine tours in the Hunter Valley. When he told his Australian friends what he was doing, they were really pleased for him: very encouraging and supportive. When he told his French friends, they started to list all potential problems he might face, the many ways it could go wrong and why he was crazy to give up a stable income for the unknown. Well, last time I saw him (as one of his customers) he seemed to be doing just fine, thank you.
My problem is that my inner dialogue seems to be very French and not particularly Australian. I don’t give myself the support and encouragement I need. I feel surprised by how much I get from my family and friends (from all around the world), which can make me feel like a phoney because they seem to have more faith in me than I have. I was speaking to some friends about my novel idea: they seemed so genuinely engaged with the concept that it was a phenomenal boost to my confidence. It was after this boost that I truly felt the claustrophobia of living in my self-imposed box. The very next day I wanted to write and I found plenty of other things that were suddenly urgent to do instead. The day after, I read an entire novel from start to finish. Finally, several days later, I’ve realised that I’m never going to let myself write until I destroy the box and fully put myself out there.
So this post is me taking a sledge hammer to this box. I want to tell you I’m working on my first novel. The protagonist is a rather wonderful lady called Mrs Millicent Daily and she wants her story to be committed to paper. I am promising to do this for her and one shouldn’t break one’s promises, even if they are given to fictional characters that currently only exist in one’s head. The only way that I can truly fail in this endeavour is if I don’t write this book. Even if I write it and am dissatisfied with the results, I’ll still have succeeded. I don’t want to not try. I don’t want to cage up my potential and treat it like some valuable but easily shattered gem. I want to set myself free, escape the box, embrace the fear and write my book.
What action are you going to take, to make your dreams reality?
Pictured above: Louis knows exactly what to do with a box lid: flatten it!
So what do I mean by “Escaping the Box”? I think the rejected titles should give you a pretty good idea but we’ll start with what has inspired me this week.
In my current visa-less stasis I have the luxury of time, something that I frequently lack (or feel as if I do). This would be the perfect opportunity to dedicate time to my passion of writing. Actually I lie, my real passion is storytelling and writing is the means that allows me to explore that passion (I have limited creative abilities outside of my way with words). I actually find writing very hard and sometimes even torturous. While I am getting some drafting of concepts done, I have suddenly become extremely shy of writing and am nowhere near as prolific as I thought I would be given the circumstances. There is a great big wall blocking me so that my ideas rattle around my head in growing numbers but I’m increasingly reluctant to commit them to paper. I’ve tried knocking this wall down but it is strong, I should know, I built it.
I have very effectively created a box around myself and I’m finding it hard to stretch outside of its confines. I had help building this box, but while I could point to society, education, other people, time, work, money, stress as providing some of the building blocks, the reality is that as the architect I need to take responsibility for it. I keep waiting for the stars to align, for everything to be perfect, so that I can begin work on my masterpiece. This alignment of celestial influences is the code for opening the box, so that I can explode outwards and fulfil my potential. What a load of bollocks!
The ideas are sitting inside me, like anxious children desperate to get out, explore and have amazing adventures. Instead I’m keeping them locked up blaming everything BUT myself for my reluctance to set them free. There is no code for opening the box. I just need to reach up and push open the lid and the thought scares me. What if I free these ideas, this creative potential and it disappoints? I’m paralysed with the fear that if I set these stories free, they’ll become flat, two dimensional, lifeless words on a sheet of paper. I’ve been germinating some of these stories for so long, that for them to die in the outside world would feel like a still-birth. I would feel as if I had failed them, better to keep them locked away until a better time comes.
The truth is that a better time will never come. I need to set myself free from my own crippling fears and self-imposed limitations NOW. I suspect that I’m not alone in needing to escape a box of my own creation. How often do you stop yourself from doing something because you believe you will fail? What is so bad about failing? Never trying is surely 10 times worse, but we can hide our dreams and ambitions, while often our failures are more public. So is it public opinion that we are afraid of?
Have you ever caught yourself whispering your true dreams to a friend, almost embarrassed by them? Our hopes can feel impossibly vulnerable and this can trigger our need to protect them. But instead, what we are really doing is stifling and repressing them. I think the most successful people we admire around us are those that never felt the need to build their own protective box. They embrace their dreams, learn and grow from their failures and see where they take them. How can we enjoy success if we are good at everything we do and never fail?
The next time you speak to a friend or colleague who has recently spectacularly failed at doing something, don’t feel sorry for them. Congratulate them for trying, for getting involved, for not holding themselves back. You should admire the people that try to live their dreams. I sometimes think that there is a small mindedness in many of us, which would have us holding others back because of our own fear of failure.
One of the aspects I really like of Australian culture is that of giving everyone a “fair go”. There is an inherent optimism here that is lacking in Europe. An example I’ll give is of a French man who has set up his own company doing wine tours in the Hunter Valley. When he told his Australian friends what he was doing, they were really pleased for him: very encouraging and supportive. When he told his French friends, they started to list all potential problems he might face, the many ways it could go wrong and why he was crazy to give up a stable income for the unknown. Well, last time I saw him (as one of his customers) he seemed to be doing just fine, thank you.
My problem is that my inner dialogue seems to be very French and not particularly Australian. I don’t give myself the support and encouragement I need. I feel surprised by how much I get from my family and friends (from all around the world), which can make me feel like a phoney because they seem to have more faith in me than I have. I was speaking to some friends about my novel idea: they seemed so genuinely engaged with the concept that it was a phenomenal boost to my confidence. It was after this boost that I truly felt the claustrophobia of living in my self-imposed box. The very next day I wanted to write and I found plenty of other things that were suddenly urgent to do instead. The day after, I read an entire novel from start to finish. Finally, several days later, I’ve realised that I’m never going to let myself write until I destroy the box and fully put myself out there.
So this post is me taking a sledge hammer to this box. I want to tell you I’m working on my first novel. The protagonist is a rather wonderful lady called Mrs Millicent Daily and she wants her story to be committed to paper. I am promising to do this for her and one shouldn’t break one’s promises, even if they are given to fictional characters that currently only exist in one’s head. The only way that I can truly fail in this endeavour is if I don’t write this book. Even if I write it and am dissatisfied with the results, I’ll still have succeeded. I don’t want to not try. I don’t want to cage up my potential and treat it like some valuable but easily shattered gem. I want to set myself free, escape the box, embrace the fear and write my book.
What action are you going to take, to make your dreams reality?
Pictured above: Louis knows exactly what to do with a box lid: flatten it!
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